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BREAKING NEWS
The Pottstown Leek
Monday, March 9, 2015
by Staff writer, Randy Radishovich
BREAKING NEWS
Monday, March 9, 2015
POTTSTOWN (The Radish Report) As bakken crude oil concerns heat up across the nation, during a press interview on March 9, 2015, borough officials proclaimed that there’s nothing to worry about In Pottstown.
From their office windows on the third floor of Borough Hall Fire Chief, Ben Schlockinoff, assured the press that everything looks good, “yep, we can see the black train cars, we don’t see any issues with them from here.”
Assistant Borough Manager, Bella D. Ball, asserted, “we’re engaged in exercises with Montgomery County in the event of an explosion, we’re practicing our sprint technique with a trainer provided by the County.”
“Management and public employees on the third floor are learning to overcome poor technique with strength and speed.” Said Ms. Ball, “we are making every effort to save ourselves in the event of a catastrophic explosion.”
Meetings between first responders and MontCo emergency management became contentious when Montgomery County Commissioner, I. Josh Unot, reminded first responders that commissioners have spent long hours negotiating terms with Norfolk Southern to transport 25 of the most lethal chemicals known to man through Pottstown.
Unot said, “In cooperation with social services, drug treatment facilities, rental property owners, MCVH and borough officials, we have worked for years to centralize the county’s poor and vulnerable in Pottstown.”
“It was never our intention that first responders would intervene in the event of a deadly bakken oil catastrophe, we just don’t want the poor people of Pottstown to suffer for long.” Stated Unot.
Before storming out of the meeting, Frank Lee Letterburn, spokesperson for area firefighters, pointed his finger at Commissioner Unot, in a raised voice he shouted, “if you think our firefighters are going to dispense cyanide kool-aid pills to the Pottstown public from our trucks to make this easy for you, you are wrong. It’s our commitment to save lives, not take them.”
As the meeting wound down, Unot assured attendees, “our long-term strategic plan for Pottstown has not changed.”
“Sadly some residents will go the way of the french fry and there’s not much we can do about that without the help of first responders.”
“However, we will arrange to dispense the cyanide kool-aid pills through the Pottstown office of Montgomery County Health Department in the event of a catastrophic explosion.
We anticipate such an event could occur prior to 2017 and we don’t have much time to prepare.”
